22 July 2011

New socket, new day

I've had a new socket since last Thursday, one that I was awaiting with great anticipation. Now that I've been using it for a few days, I know that many of my hopes have been realized -- It fits well, in fact it feels 'right' -- snug all around but not too tight. But my greatest hope was dashed -- I didn't snap it on, jump up and run across the room. No spinning and twirling and jumping for joy. There was no miracle. No, my movements are still slow, small steps taken with great concentration and care.
My entire being is crying out for the ability to run across an open field, followed by my dog Tino, lightly scamper across the rocks in a stream, feeling cool water pass over my toes.
I KNOW I've made progress. I KNOW it's a long road. I KNOW it's slow, I have to take baby steps before I can run. But how long will it take? And what abilities will I have? Those are the questions that no one can answer.
I'm a positive person. I'm an optimist, I believe in the future. But sometimes doubt creeps in as I realize that I don't know what the outcomes will be and that fear makes me doubt the rosy future that I normally believe in. I have learned that those doubts are part of me, as much as my hopes and dreams are a part of me. And I can choose which to believe.
What I do know is that even though I can't predict the future, I can do a lot to make my future dreams come true. For example, if I don't take baby steps, I will never learn to run. If I don't practice swimming laps in the pool, I will never be able to swim across Lake George. If I don't believe in my own abilities, I will never reach my goals.


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